Dear Santa,

It was a pleasure visiting with you yesterday!  We have arranged for your insurance to be in place for December 24th and continue for the next year.

Here are the highlights and changes you requested:

1. With your recent purchase of the North Pole we are adding $1,000,000 in “All Risk” coverage for the actual pole. It is not a problem if you fly a flag from the pole. In fact, it just might be the tallest flag pole.
2. Rudolph’s nose is covered for “windstorm.” I agree; the new LED lights should make this feature not needed.
3. Your sleigh is insured for: “knocking off chimneys and satellite dishes, roof damage, and mid-air collision with drones.” However you still have a weight restriction of 50,000 tons. You mentioned that the total weight actually goes up during the night as your cookie consumption reaches uncontrolled levels. Just watch it! Keep the egg nog in check – the limit in most places is .08.
4. The following are insured and trade names under all the policies: Saint Nicholas, Father Christmas, Kris Kringle, Papa Noel. This year we are adding: The Big S, Mrs. Claus’ Formalwear, One Wiseman and #HoHoHo.
5. Presents
delivered on Christmas Eve are covered in transit, while being delivered, or while in temporary storage by you and all subcontractors – anywhere in the world.
6. Data Breach Coverage includes “Loss of Lists.” We agree that cloud storage and “Check Them Twice” passwords save you a lot on this coverage. The underwriter agreed to your request for a 10,000 Sugar Plum deductible.
7. Elf Discrimination coverage continues, but we are increasing the maximum height limitation to six feet eight inches. It was a great idea on your part and should help with your recruiting.
8. We continue to be impressed with your Return-to-Work program. It saves you a lot of money and increases elf and helper morale. Your websites, telemarketing, retail outlets and seminar sales events definitely provide year-round employment. I am excited about your plans to move Black Friday ahead a little more each year – with a goal of starting Christmas sales on July 5th by 2022! Brilliant!
9. Equipment Breakdown is a covered peril for all 614 buildings at the North Pole location.
10. Premium payments can continue with 12 equal installments with electronic funds transfer. No installment fee applies.

As in the past you still have the following exclusions:

1. “Blue Christmas” is still trademarked by the Elvis Presley Family.
2. Kissing Mommy. The follow-up surveys by the children include way too many incidents.
3. Delivery Guarantee by Federal Express, UPS and US Postal Service.
4. Use of “Discount Double Check.” But you may continue to use the phrase, “Pump You Up.”  You used that slogan in Germany for seven years in the 1960s.

Thank you for the business! Have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Good Cheer,

Patrick Clavette CPCU, ARM, IBIS*
*I believe in Santa

Author Pat Clavette, visiting the North Pole?

Author Pat Clavette, visiting the North Pole?